Root
of all Problems
The spoken and written word
are probably the most important ways of communication we have in this world. It
is the fastest and most impactful way that we reach out and understand one
another. Is it also ironic that this spawns some of the most difficult problems
we face in our personal lives? The heated argument with the parent. The lack of
expressing one’s feelings to a significant other. The refusal to apologize when
you know you’ve done wrong. The predicament that somebody is mad at you, but
they don’t want to talk to you. These problems and others happen to everybody;
and it’s a cycle that people don’t seem to fix.
Communication is sometimes
the problem, but it’s most definitely an answer.
I have been a huge advocate
of effective communication. It has served me well and I wouldn’t be the person
I am without loved ones teaching me how to do it. Over the years I have
formulated some key principles about communication.
1.
Say
something. If you have a
problem or opinion, say it in a way that is not offensive and only say
it when you are ready.
2.
Feel
ready and don’t force others. Only
communicate when you feel ready. Don’t force others to talk about their
feelings when they’re not ready. If you push someone to talk when they don’t
want to, only frustration will result.
3.
Cool
off. If you recognize
that you are angry, you are not in a position to say anything. Calm down and
think carefully what you are feeling and why. Once you say something that you
regret, you cannot take those words back.
4.
It’s
not a one-way street.
You can’t expect somebody to share their feelings and not share your own.
That’s not fair to the other person. You also can’t talk about yourself and not
be interested in what the other person has to say. If you want to have a meaningful
conversation, make it one, by having both people contribute.
5.
Don’t
make others feel stupid or odd. Just
don’t do it. That won’t get you very far.
6.
Don’t
be condescending.
There’s nothing worse than when somebody makes you feel insignificant.
7.
Listen
and give feedback.
Please hear everything that the other person needs to say and try not to cut
them off with some topic that is not related to what they’re talking about. The
other person needs your attention and focus. This is also important in group settings.
8.
Do
not kick a dead horse.
If you can tell that the other person is bored of the topic even though you
still want to talk about it, change to another unrelated topic. You’re
practically having a conversation with yourself. Be receptive to the other
person’s needs.
9.
Face
to Face. Speaking
directly to the person is always more meaningful than through any other route.
There may be exceptions to this, but for the most part, this is a good way to
go.
10.
Have
fun. Enjoy the other
person’s company and try not to overanalyze what they’re saying to you while
you’re having the conversation.
I have never before written out the
things that I’ve learned about communication, but it’s interesting to me that I
have this much to say about it. I’m not perfect in these principles by any
means; these are only based on my observations that I have been trying to
reconcile in my mind. Communication may not solve everything, but it's worth
trying first before anything else.
I hope this helps you in some way. Let me
know if it does.
